A Footnote

For those of you who haven’t flown in a while, and may not have understood what I meant about gadget pornograpy, let me mention a few of the items offered for sale in my in-flight magazine:

• a pen with a built-in 10-second digital recorder,
• a barbeque fork with a built-in thermometer
• The Suunto Vector Wristop [sic] computer,
• the FootMate in-shower foot scrubber,
• An Orthopedic Cat Bed,
• Soil Guard (TM), a device to “protect your clothes from vehicle bumper grime.”
• the credit-card golf tool kit
• the Stress Express battery-powered toy helicopter
• the Body Fat Monitor Scale (“stores data for five people…not for use by persons with pacemakers”),
• the Ultraclear Battery Operated Blemish Remover (I don’t want to know what this does),
• the Turbo-Groomer a nosehair removal system (“..the first personal groomer with a built in light”)
• the photon microlite flashlight (“smaller than the end of your thumb!”),
• the Triple Action Pen (red ink, black, ink, and pencil “from the makers of the original Astronaut’s Space Pen”),
• StreetPilot GPS (“with the StreetPilot onboard, paper maps seem hopelessly inadquate”),
• the IonicBath Pet Brush (“Our exclusive Zenion Effect(TM) technology…leaves your pet smelling just-back-from-the-groomer’s fresh”)
• The Orvis Magnifier Watch (“..no need to fumble for reading glasses!”),
• The Quictionary scanning pen dictionary (“Glide the optical scanning device over a word…the definition instantly appears”), and
• a microwave-heated ice cream scoop